A Happy 2012!

I have so much to look forward to in 2012, it seems sure to be an unusually happy year. But with the triple whammy of work, wedding, and house-buying looming as we approach the new year, it's not a bad idea to give a little thought to how to ensure that I won't get caught up in the worry. In my opinion, everyone's top priority should be happiness--not more money, more clothes, a busier or less busy social life--just to be happy. And the truth is, you really don't need those other things to accomplish this. I saw this list on Habitually Chic and thought it was worth posting as I start thinking about New Year's Resolutions.

12 Things Happy People Do Differently

Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness.  These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives.  (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)

1.        Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value.  Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness.  And that’s without having to go out and buy anything.  It makes sense.  We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have.

2.        Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it.  She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life.  People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

3.       Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

4.       Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain.  (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.)  Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness.  How extraordinary is that?  Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on.  A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names.

5.       Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence.

6.       Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character.  Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable.  Forrest Gump knows the deal.  It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan.  It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.

7.       Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day.

8.       Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still.  It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task.  Action and awareness are merged.  You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional.  You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing.  Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.

9.       Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.  It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences.  When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic.  It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them.

10.    Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force.  Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.  When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing.  Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.

11.     Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us.  We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.  It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists.  Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.”

12.    Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?  Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

Have a happy day!

Country Living

When I first made my feeble attempt at blogging way back at the very beginning of the year, I mentioned that one of the 'topics' my (two) readers could expect to see a lot of was inspiration relating to life in the country--architecture, design, maybe a little landscape design, maybe a little cooking.... all of which was intended as a way to stockpile thoughts for my future--wayyy future--life in a beautiful old farmhouse outside of New York City.

My original dream home, designed by Gil Schafer

Back then, everything was just wishful thinking. I hoped fervently that I would soon have a ring on my finger promising a life to be spent with the person I've loved most since I was just a teenager, I wished for a beautiful wedding surrounded by friends, I dreamed of owning a big slobbery cuddly newfoundland, and way down the line, I fantasized about owning a gorgeous historic house replete with fireplaces, original detail, and lots of land for future pups and maybe event tots to roam.

Fastforward just ten months, and there's a tan-line on my left ring finger, our name on a newfie breeder's 'future homes' list, a constant barrage of emails from vendors asking for 'final' meetings before the big January day, and the latest: a contract waiting to be marked up in preparation for tomorrow's meeting with a real estate attorney.

That country house fantasy may still be just that--only time, and the mood of a paper pushing banker in upstate New York--will tell. But after visiting at least ten houses in the Hudson Valley, staying up late on work nights sharing hundreds of online listings with each other, and going through a lengthy inspection process J and I are now just a few small steps away from making my pastoral dream a reality.

My 'this dream may be a reality' house! (via Weichert)

So, from here on out, I will be making a valiant (and hopefully more successful!) effort to aggregate and store all my "country living" inspiration right here. And, if I really get into the swing of things, maybe I will make my original optimistic plan for this blog as real as Apple Ridge Farm (our--fingers crossed!--adorably named farmhouse) and incorporate restaurant reviews, recipes, fashion, interior design and other delicious treats I'd like to save for later.

Heaven, I'm in Heaven

A picture is worth a thousand words.... and three days later, I'm still speechless, so pictures are the best I can do. After five years it is so amazing to know that we are only just at the very beginning. Nothing and nobody could ever make me happier. Sitting at my desk I really can't even pretend to be working this week--so many wedding blogs to read, so many people to talk to, so many times I can look down at my ring finger without ever getting tired of it! Lots of wedding inspiration to come...

Off and Away!

Maybe I’m a bit behind the times, but when I came across the website “Off and Away” on Paloma’s wonderful blog La Dolce Vita, I was intrigued. The concept is a little confusing—you purchase bids for $1 each, in groups of 10, 25, and so on. The website auctions off suites at hotels and resorts around the world. Auctions last a day or two, but the real action happens during the last minute. Or what you think is the last minute. I ended up spending about 45 minutes of my day on that nominal last minute. Each bid you place is worth 10 cents, and when you get down to the final minutes of the auction, each bid adds 15 seconds to the timer. So the final 15 seconds can end up taking hours—the clock ticks down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, “GOING” and then you or one of your many faceless competitors clicks the big yellow “Bid” button and the clock is back at 15 seconds. And so on. For HOURS. But if you’re the lucky winner, man is it worth it.

My first experience with Off and Away was educational. I was bidding on two nights at the incredible Gramercy Park Hotel here in my home city (talk about “staycationing” in style!). When I arrived at the auction, the price was set at $1.90. Off and Away helpfully informs you that the retail cost of two nights at a Loft Suite at this boutique hotel is $1,900. Unbelievable. Anyway, I spent $20 on 20 bids, and came close several times, but after twenty minutes spent watching the clock get down to zero and then tick back up to fifteen seconds, I decided this could last awhile and took a little break. Excruciatingly, it was during these few minutes that a winner was crowned—“Adam”, the lucky bugger, won the weekend stay for a mere $86.

The whole bidding process is definitely a risk—today I paid $20 and have nothing to show for it. But, I did learn that bidding when it gets to 30 seconds for the first time may seem like a last ditch effort, but really you’re only in the first mile of the marathon countdown. The key is to have your finger on the button non-stop for the final 15 seconds, no matter how long those seconds are dragged out for. All wasn’t lost for me today though—the money you spend bidding on auctions you don’t end up winning goes into a pot you can later use for a “book now” option—the deals aren’t close to as mind blowing, but at least they make you feel like you weren’t just robbed blind.

The site itself is pretty spiffy and well-run, and the hotels they feature are INCREDIBLY stylish and drool-worthy. I have a feeling today’s little experiment may turn into a full-blown addiction if I’m not careful!

Enjoy these images of the sumptious, velvety amazingness I'm missing out on

Lobby

Lobby

Pink-hued Rose Bar

Green-hued Jade Bar

Bedroom

Gramercy Suite

Roof Club

Penthouse with incredible light fixture

Images: screenshot of Off and Away, all others from Gramercy Park Hotel website

Private Isle Escape

To walk from my desk to today’s first meeting, I had to first pull on my green rubber Hunter boots, wrap myself in a thick cashmere scarf, shove hard against my office door, and make a slip-slidey run for it through several inches of snow. By the time I  arrived at the meeting, mere yards away, I looked like I’d just trekked across Siberia.

View from my office door back to the main building

Back safe and warm at my desk, watching the snow pile up on my glass ceiling and on the roof outside my door, I have only one thing on my mind. Escaping to a private tropical island, far from the arctic climate of Manhattan. Today is my boyfriend J and my fifth year anniversary, so I am envisioning somewhere sunny and serene, with just enough privacy for romance and enough civilization for beachside champagne and delicious meals. There are three that fit the bill perfectly: Coco Point, Mustique, and Petit St Vincent, or “PSV” as those in the know would say (and I count myself as “in the know” after a few minutes—or hours—spent perusing their website and various reviews).

Coco Point, which I was lucky enough to visit a few winters ago, is nestled on the private island of Barbuda, just off the coast of Antigua. If its miles of white sandy beaches, turquoise waters and verdant palm trees and hibiscus sound like an idealized version of the tropics created just for a postcard, it’s because this is the most postcard worthy place I’ve seen in my life. All is exactly as it should be in the most discerning of Caribbean fantasies. Guests stay either in the main lodge or in villas scattered around the island. There are a very limited number of guests allowed on island at any one time, so you get to know one another quickly. It feels more like a club than a resort—in fact many families have gone for the same week for years, so grew up together in this particular slice of heaven, albeit for one week a year.

Mustique, a private island owned by shareholders from around the world, features a main lodge as well, the Cotton House, as well as one hundred villas and private home spread across the island’s 1400 lush acres. The Cotton House and villas are designed beautifully—they are luxurious but not in a very nouveau, McMansion sort of way, and they seem to nestle into the coastlines and cliffs they reside on. If you want a dose of celebrity with your private island retreat, Mustique is the place to go: Princess Margaret, David Bowie, and Mick Jagger are frequent visitors to this secluded paradise.

Petit St Vincent, a tiny private island that has been run as a boutique resort by the same family for 30 years, seems to combine the best aspects of Coco Point and Mustique. Its 115 acres are dappled with a mere 22 intimate, perfectly composed cottages.  Some are high up on hilltops overlooking the majestic landscape and ocean beyond, while others sit right on the beach, inviting early morning tanning sessions and late night skinny dipping. In front of each house there is a flag pole—raise a yellow flag and stick a note inside if you want drinks, food, or anything else delivered to you at any time of day or night. Raise a red flag for privacy, and you will be left alone. The same system applies to the many hidden beach spots around the island—hike to a private little cove, but don’t get too used to roughing it—raise a flag and champagne and chocolate cake can be delivered to you beachside in moments. Can I raise a yellow flag outside my office door and have a private jet delivered to take me to PSV right now? Yes please!

images: my own, Coco Point Lodge, Mustique-Island and Petit St Vincent websites

Cheering for Queensland

When something goes wrong in the US, we know it. Headlines are everywhere, television news shows cover our domestic disasters day and night, and even those who believe in the maxim that ignorance is bliss are unable to escape the knowledge of whatever the disaster is. This constant information inundation allows those unaffected to witness the suffering of others and, one hopes, to do something about it—to volunteer, to send money, to say prayers, whatever it may be.

A real disaster has occurred these last couple of weeks in Australia, and between Top Chef and American Idol, I’ve hardly heard more than a few words about it. Flooding of the Brisbane and Bremer rivers has devastated the Australian state of Queensland. In the city of Brisbane alone, more than 25,000 homes and 5,000 business have been destroyed, families and the elderly losing every earthly possession. Living here in New York, on the other side of the globe, there is not much I can do but read the stories and confront the pictures of devastation the State Premier described as of ‘postwar proportions.’ During dismal days like these, there is nothing to do but look for a patch of sun amidst the clouds. Luckily, Australian design is replete with cheerful patterns, hues, and whimsy. Every Australian interior, clothing line, and textile line seems positively bursting with energy and happiness. Bright colors, organic materials, communion with the beautiful Aussie outdoors, and unabashed good humor seem to define the designs coming up from down under. Enjoy this sampling of a few of my favorites, and take a moment to pray for our neighbors in need on the other side of the world .

Wild for Wilde

Oscar Wilde, an Irish writer, poet and playwright, is known both for the witty sharpness of his pen and the serious tragedies that befall him during his short life. He is probably most famous for his sole novel, A Picture of Dorian Grey, and for his masterpiece, The Importance of Being Earnest. A play with ‘no serious interest’ was requested, and Wilde delivered a seriously hilarious work of art. The three act play (originally four acts) trivializes seemingly serious ideas and institutions, particularly marriage. The two central characters, Jack and Algernon, each have an elaborate imaginary friend that they use to escape the serious obligations of their everyday lives in favor of pleasanter pastimes. Jack has led his ward, Cecily, and her governess Miss Prism, to believe that he leaves their country home for London regularly to deal with his naughty brother Ernest. In London, he takes on the persona of Ernest himself. Algernon, a London friend, has invented an invalid companion, Mr. Bunbury, whom he is supposedly obligated to visit in the country. During the course of the three acts there are many cases of mistaken identity, impulsive proposals, and finally a few “serious” revelations about the characters’ true identities. The plot, remarkably clever though it is, plays second fiddle to Wilde’s masterful manipulations of the English language. It is as if the words that comprise that old Webster Merriman Dictionary were put there expressly as toys for Wilde’s pen to play with.

The Wilde man himself!

Wilde's home in Dublin

The first production of The Importance of Being Earnest was met with wild approbation on all sides, except one: the father of Wilde’s male lover, the Marquess of Queensberry, had plans to foil the production by presenting Wilde with a bouquet of spoiled vegetables. Thankfully, Wilde got advanced warning of this malicious plan, and Queensberry was refused entry. The matter escalated, however, landing Wilde in court and eventually in prison, convicted of “gross indecency with other men.” He died shortly after his release, at the early age of forty six.

  

Brian Bedford as Lady Bracknell

A scene set in the garden

The Roundabout Theater Company has recently staged a revival of this play, and it does wonderful credit to Wilde’s wit. The director, Brian Bedford, also stars as the haughty society grande dame Lady Bracknell (a character based on the malevolent Queensberry’s wife!). This character is not traditionally played by a man, and no undue attention is drawn to the fact here, but it somehow works perfectly. Bedford, needless to say, steals the show, although the other actors fill the stage admirably, delivering their lines with great attention to tempo—a long pause here, a jumble of words there, the entire production was practically flawless. I would be remiss to neglect the set designers, who created really lovely scenes of a London living room, a country garden, and finally a library at the country estate. The sets are simple in structure, with beautifully drawn details that draw the eye in while keeping the focus on the actors and, more importantly, the words they speak. I feel so lucky to have spent two nights in a row enjoying the best of New York’s cultural offerings, and it reminds me that living in a city like this is a true privilege that is only enjoyed if you get off your couch, turn off the Real Housewives, and take it all in!  


images via Macklowe Gallery, cbc.ca, unknown